Growing

We all grow, don't we? Sometimes it's just part of life, sometimes it feels good and exciting, and sometimes growth just plain hurts.

I've been through all phases of growth in my life, and I imagine I am not out of the refining fire yet. Growth will continue to come in ways I cannot foresee. You see, growth is inevitable. But you know this, because you've grown too.

You've learned that life sometimes is about learning how to play the game.

A couple of years ago, I decided to close my business. I absolutely adored what I did, I fell in love with so many of you/my clients (whom I would have easily called my friends), and I loved the practice of creating and yes, growing. Running a photography business was not always easy, but I can honestly say I didn't hate it. I learned a lot each year. I learned a lot about business, finance, best practices. I learned a lot about other people, love, and heartache. I watched, listened, and learned as you shared your stories of growth with me. I took them into my heart, and held them there. And I grew too. I learned more about what I liked, what I didn't like, and more about my authentic nature.

I closed my business because after having my last child; life was simply too chaotic with a small baby, three other kids (who happen to need a lot of help and attention in life), a husband that worked long hours, and running a business. It was more than I chose to bear. I had to pick my priorities, and of course family came first.

But families grow, and babies grow, and I, of course, continue to grow. My little one turns four next month. Four! How is that possible?

Oh, the cycles of life. He goes to pre-school in the fall, and I find myself wondering what on Earth am I going to do with myself? I get bored way too easily. I've been considering starting things back up very slowly, but don't really know if it's the right time. There are so many facets to consider in this decision. I've been in the market before, I know the ugly game. I question if I have it in me to get in the game again?

Either way, photography calls my name, and I hope you'll enjoy as I share my continued growth, and my journey forward. I'm looking into a few changes around here, and it will take some time.

My Heart on a Tree

I'm a rambler, so if you don't like my wordy posts, please just enjoy this image of my sweet Sophia. Her smile brightens my day. Every day.

My whole life I've either been too connected or too disconnected from my heart. Something inside me either feels too much, or nothing at all. I've been good at building walls around my heart when I've "needed" to, and I've accused myself of falling too deeply in love when I shouldn't. But as I've grown older and observed more about myself throughout my life, and the way I react to certain things, I have realized some truths, the most important being:

I am who I am.

I am:
unique
beautiful
smart
quirky
sentimental
happy

And I can't change who I am and feel like I'm being true to myself, or to those who have invested their heart and soul into my life. Because isn't that what happens? We invest in those we love. Time, heart, money, and so on.

And I can't change the way I see the world, or the way I feel it. And what I've come to realize is that I don't need to. My vision, my interpretation of what life means and looks like, is wonderful to me. It brings me comfort and peace, and most of all joy.

As a photographer I have come to think that I need to photograph in a certain way, and while still infusing some of my style and vision, I've let that overrun me and the way that I've been functioning for the past several years. But it must stop! Why?

Because my heart is on a tree.

What does that mean? It means I am hanging myself out there for the world to see. I am putting my heart on a branch and waiting for it to ripen, and I can't do that if I've buried it. I can only do that if I feed it.

I got into this business for many reasons, but the biggest was that I've always appreciated the emotion and connection in particular photos, in songs, in books. I've always felt this innate desire to create, yet a complete inability to do so. Until I found that I had a knack for photography, and for connecting with people, and helping people to feel beautiful and connected. This industry can be completely competitive, and it's easy to feel like you are not enough when other photographers seem to have it all under control, or seem to be more creative, etc. It's hard in the state I work in sometimes because it's an over-saturated market. It's hard justifying spending all of my time away from my family when I'm not really making money (just re-investing it all back into my business and learning).

But I do have something unique to offer.

So with that, I am hanging my heart on my tree, and letting you know that the way I approach my work will be as honest as I can muster. I want to show you love and connection in the way that I see it, because I think some of you will like what I see.

Stay tuned for some casting calls later this week.

Much love to all my friends and readers. You inspire me every day to work harder, and to be better.

The importance of the heart

Why is it so important to have pictures? Well, it's all a matter of the heart.

My dear sweet Grandmother is getting older. Just this last week she had to have cement injected into her bone to help support a bone that had a hairline fracture. Her mind is going, and she's been in assisted living for some time. My wonderful aunts have been so good to help care for her when they can. In fact, one of my aunts goes to visit with her every Wednesday and then blogs about it (if you are crafty, check out her blog, she is uber talented--hi Aunt ML!). I am so grateful that she does this, because they live in another state and I don't get to see her much anymore.

Several years ago the love of her life, my Grand-Daddy, passed away. I was with him in the hospital, and got to spend some time just adoring him within the last few hours of his life. These two have meant such a great deal to me, and I've absolutely treasured them in my heart always. There are so many memories I have of the two of them. Of their house. The smell, the words, the food, the love they shared, and showed to us. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to get to spend time with them almost yearly while I was growing up. I am grateful for the times I've spent with them as an adult, and that most of my own children have been able to meet my grandmother.

Very luckily my grandparents purchased a camera as a gift to themselves very early on, and they captured some wonderful times in their lives. I love pouring over the photos and finding the similarities in my own family. The same nose here, the same teeth. The same wry smile, and twinkle in the eye. The photo below is one that they did not take, it was taken by a street vendor. But it is one that captures the love they had, even after five kids! I love the way my grandmother just looks at my grandfather, smiling at what he's saying. It reminds me so much of the love they still shared after years and years. I am grateful for the example they showed to me in what a marriage can look like.

Thanks ML for graciously taking the time to post the images each week. It means so much to look at them.

Don't forget to book your own BELOVED SESSION! Remember each other.

Ramblings

Okay, I admit, I'm in that "stage of life" where my kids get sick all-the-time. And somehow I often get it too (I thought I'd be immune; after all, I was a kid once too. Plus, I haven't really been very sick since I was twelve). But, no. And this time it's all me. I can't even thank my darling kids for my Tonsillitis and head cold. But I am finding blame, of course. ;)
I'm blaming it on:
the little sleep I had for several days,
and being in Vegas with so many people,
and the chilly air on the shoots I took part in,
and sleeping in the same bed as someone that *might* have been a strep vector (you know who you are;) ).

However I got it, it's taken up a majority of my energy this week.

Unfortunately I have so much on my docket. But, I've been *trying* to plow through and get things done anyway, and I'm happy to say I've made progress.

Do you ever feel that way? These kids still need me to take care of them. There's still business that needs to be done. The house is calling my name (far too loudly).

Well, today I turned off the phone and put my head down and (finally) got my taxes done. SCORE! And while I did so, I listened to some fabulous music by Diane Birch who is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Seriously, go check her out. She has this amazing voice, these fingers that move so smoothly on the piano (I'm jealous), and this soul that reminds me so much of the music my parents listened to when I was a child. It's a treat.

Meanwhile, if you've tried to get a hold of me this week, I'll be returning calls as soon as my voice returns to normal, and when I won't be sniffing and coughing in your ear! I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow.

Read all about it

I just got done cleaning a portion of my house, because the thought came to my mind that I'd be mortified if something happened to me and someone had to come into my house and see this disaster. Then they'd wonder what kind of person I really am. Yeah, with four kids+holidays+six (yes SIX) cases of strep throat, it's gotten pretty out of control. Okay, so it's not likely that someone will be forced to come into my home while I am hypothetically out of commission, but still...I'm a thinker. My hubby has noted that I'm an irrational thinker sometimes, which may be true. Regardless, I think a lot.

Like last night as I was lying in bed, Mr. Taylor sound asleep next to me, and I thought to myself, "In this moment I am so happy. This spot in life is so good." And I reveled in it for another 45 minutes while I tried to fall asleep. Sweet slumber finally found me, but so did crazy dreams from days past, which woke me up and got me thinking all over again. It made me realize once again how blessed I am. In life, in love, in business. Has it always felt that way? No. But I'll keep hold of it while I can.

Because of the way my life has fallen together so far, I've learned to embrace change. Change can be a good thing. And in the new year, we often find ourselves thinking about the changes we will be making for ourselves. Right? Of course I have to think about the changes coming in my business this year, and even though some of it is scary, I'm really excited for the new opportunities that will be coming my way.

So I thought I'd tune you in on a BIG CHANGE for Joanna Taylor Photography. Something I've been keeping under wraps for some time, but am super excited to share with you!

Joanna Taylor Photography now has studio space in Salt Lake City. I'll be sharing space with some INCREDIBLE, INSPIRING photographers (and for this I feel blessed). Can I tell you who? First, the amazing, artistic Duston Todd. Next, someone with beautiful perspective, Matthew Ryan. And last, the fun-loving Sheryll Lynne, who has the most amazing style. And I have a top secret project going on with Sheryll that will be announced in February.

I have to make goals for my business, and one is to blog more, to offer more information. I'm going to start a Q&A series, so if you have any questions, please send them my way! I'm going to start showing you more products that I offer. I'm reworking pricing again...as I enter my fourth year of business I've seen some trends in my pricing and have finally started seeing where I need to be priced for the Utah market. I'm going to be focusing a lot more on weddings and newborns (so if you have friends with either of these, be sure to refer them my way! I have a great referral program!). These are all good, exciting things for me, and I'm excited to watch them unfold for a great 2010. Join me, won't you?

And since we're talking about change, something a little different from me: