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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A little moody

These images are from my first roll of film. They are not technically perfect, but I love each one of them for the mood they invoke. When I look at pictures from my childhood I am filled with so many different feelings, and these images do the same thing: fill me up.

My little one, who is growing up so fast I want to scream. He goes to pre-school in the fall. We secured him a spot with a pre-school I hope will be a good fit for him. But it leaves me wondering, what am I going to do when he's gone? I know I often say I'm excited to have the time, but this little one has been such a special blessing to me, and I will truly be sad when he goes off to school. Last night he was cuddling on my lap, and I whispered, "Can you stay this little forever?" He turned to me and with his dimpled smile, said, "Yes." I told him thank you, and as he yawned and burrowed into my chest just a little deeper, he whispered, "You're welcome, Mommy."

Yes, I think I will miss his baby-hood.

My oldest "baby" in a common scene in our home: playing the piano. My heart leaps in boundless joy when I hear him play. I know his lesson-days are coming to a close soon, and it breaks my heart, thinking I have no reason to "force" him to play for me. He does enjoy playing some things for fun, and I hope that he'll continue to explore music. Selfish, maybe, but I think it will also be good for him. I am not a good pianist (far from it), but when I was a teenager, I would sit at the piano and play some of the same music over and over (I'm still trying to really learn those songs all these years later). As I got older, I began experimenting on the piano and have written several of my own songs. They are nothing complicated or spectacular, but music has been such a source of therapy for my endless waves of intense emotion; a way for me to work through my demons with sounds and words.

And this one, well, I really just love it for no reason in particular. It's my husband, whom I adore. He works so hard for our family. I've never met a more loyal person in my life. I am eternally grateful for the sacrifice he makes to provide well for our family. Sometimes it leaves me a little lonely, and a little stressed out as a mother, but I know it's his way of showing love for us. I always hope that he feels a great deal of satisfaction in what he does, because he does work so hard. He's been blessed with challenging, and interesting opportunities in his career. He's grown and grown because of them. He is someone who needs a lot of intellectual stimulation, someone who needs to feel like he is part of something "interesting," and someone that is wholly devoted to what he does. It's no wonder he's been so well-received in his career, and I'm happy that others recognize his value. He is a great example to me.

Do you have any favorite photos that bubble up your emotions? Make you think or feel? What do they look like? What do they mean to you?

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